Even though you really don’t need an excuse to hump, sometimes life gets hectic and we forget to take a moment to bask in the simple pleasures of sexuality. I will gladly accept any excuse to spend extra time in the bedroom (or shower or kitchen, wherever the boners happen to pop, I’m not picky), and luckily for this perv, Hump Day happens every week! If you too need an excuse to carve some time into your busy schedule to bust a nut, just remind yourself of this ancient tradition. People have been humping for an eternity, you know. It’s the oldest trick in the book for stress-relief and relaxation, even if momentarily. So pay your respects to the freakin’ human race, and get your hump on this Hump Day!
Today I’m celebrating my favorite day of the week by reminiscing about my toy box — my Eternal To-Do List (or simply put: my favorite things to hump).
1. Ceramix No. 4
After my long term love affair with my Icicles “tentacle fucker“, it was only natural that I’d become totes obsessed with our new Ceramix collection. You see, Icicles and Ceramix share a ton of the same features that make this Professional Perv’s heart flutter. They’re both 100% natural, body-safe materials that are completely nonporous and can be sterilized. Both materials offer exceptionally sleek finishes that slip and slide with ease with little to no lube (though I’m a huuuuge advocate for wet and messy sex, so keep it coming!) Most of all though, I love the potential for temperature play, and this is the one department where the Ceramix completely exceed the Icicles.
All 6 Ceramix dildos feature a hollow shaft and a silicone plug at the base, allowing you to fill it with hot or cold water. Catering to most horn dogs’ impatience, these babies attain the temperature instantly aaaaand it’ll maintain that temperature for like, twenty frickin’ minutes!
If I’ve gotta choose just one, No. 4‘s gotta be my favorite. That Seuss-like design stole my heart as soon as we locked eyes (shut up, polka dots can totes be considered eyes…) I’ve been especially conscious of finding my G-spot lately, so that bulbous, slightly curved tip is the shit, and the ribbed shaft just puts that quivering pussy over the edge. If you’ve never experimented with alternative materials, THIS is exactly the place to start!
2. Le Réve Silicone Posable, Black
I am first to admit that I’m stubborn as shit. I want things done my way and I want it done right, and the black Silicone Posable totally enables my Taurus tendencies with its completely customizable shape. The head and shaft bend in every which way, allowing you to explore all those internal pleasure points you probably didn’t even know about.
I’m also sorta lazy. I’m all about simultaneously stimulating all the things, but there’s like, lotsa holes and pleasure zones to be stimulatin’, and a bitch only got two hands! This vibe is a godsend with three individual stimulators – a clit stimulator with that great thumb shape to press snug against your cum button; the bulbous, posable shaft for penetration; and the beaded teaser for backdoor bliss. The anal teaser is really what does it for me. Whenever I’m having an exceptionally hard time climaxing, the butt hole is a sure-fire way to put me over the edge, along with all the other feel goods, of course. The more stimulation, the better it feels, and the closer you’ll come to the finish line!
Seriously dudes. Everything is awesome to hump… well, when there’s a pussy pump involved. Pumping is my latest infatuation, probs because this practice never even crossed my mind until landing this gig and receiving questions about it. The best way to learn is by doing, so I experimented with a range of manual and electric pumps before settling for simple – our Fetish Fantasy Series High Intensity Pussy Pump is the way to go for me. The bulb is big enough to fit over the entire area, and the manual pump offers super strong and tight suction instantly with just a few pumps.
I thought the site of engorged lips would be a turn off, but I was pleasantly surprised to find just how incredibly arousing a plump pussy could be, all juicy and inviting, and it just looks prettier in pink! More importantly though, pumping promotes blood flow to the area which makes it so super sensitive that even the lightest touch is totally mesmerizing. Swollen lips quiver when delicately caressed. The clit swells in proportion so it’s way easier to access. But the best part, personally, is how much more I can feel during penetration. Usually I need it hard and fast because otherwise I don’t feel much, and even then I don’t particularly give a fuck about penetration because it never makes me cum. And though I still haven’t climaxed from penetration alone, I can enjoy the experience much more with a pumped pussy. It just makes everything more sensitive, allowing me to feel so much more, forcing me to be more present in the moment while enjoying slower thrusts. It’s been a total game changer for me by introducing this more relaxed style of sex.
New to ceramic, anal, or pumping? Send your curiosities and other inquiries to Sexpert Sabrina Dropkick at firstname.lastname@example.org, or anonymously inquire with the Sexperts!