I recently received a super heartbreaking email. Stacy had a lot of sex toys. She wasn’t necessarily a connoisseur or anything, she just couldn’t really find that one special toy that really got her cherry poppin’. Every time she ran into another disappointing solo sack sesh, she’d throw the toy into her designated Fuck Drawer and never consider it again – until one day she finally discovered the phallic-shaped key that would unlock the floodgates to an incredible orgasm. It was the sleek silicone WOW! Thumper and it was FUCKING INCREDIBLE!!!! (I can second Stacy’s sentiment and tell you that the Thumper is also my ultimate vibe of choice.) After that initial toe-curling, nap-inducing mastubatorathon, she did the usual and threw her vibe into the Fuck Drawer for safe keeping.
This is where the heartbreak comes. Stacy had a long day at work and was super looking forward to rubbing one out to relieve some stress when she got home. She flopped onto her pillow-top mattress, grabbed her favorite water-based Moist, and pawed at the Fuck Drawer where she found, to her horror, that her pile of sex toys had… MELTED?!
* white noise *
We’re sorry to interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you this important announcement –
PROPER STORAGE, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!!!!
It blows my mind how much money people spend on sex toys, but how little they know about how to care for and store their precious pleasure devices. I’m here to set the record straight and prevent the horrific death of another perfectly good sex toy.
First of all, you should only be cleaning your sex toys with a specified toy cleaner and warm water. Regular soaps aren’t a good idea because they can leave behind soap scum and ew. If you’ve got a non-vibrating silicone, glass, or ceramic piece then you can actually sterilize it by placing it in boiling water for about ten minutes. I suggest cleaning your vibe or dildo both after AND before use, because you just never know what could’ve crept onto your toy between uses.
Now, it seems most people know that your toys should be stored in a cool, dry, dark place like in a drawer or trunk or under the bed. But what they don’t seem to know is that porous materials (the rubbers and plastics) can be reactive. When these types of items come into extended contact with each other, it causes a chemical reaction that degrades the material. In Stacy’s case, her non-porous silicone vibe wasn’t the problem — the other porous toys are what melted and made a mess of her Fuck Drawer. SO! To keep your sex toys safe and ensure a nice, long lifetime of fun, it’s best to individually wrap each toy in a lint-free cloth as to avoid contact with differing materials. Or, you know, just stock your toy box solely with non-porous goodness (silicone, glass, metal, etc.) Seriously, it’s as simple as that!
So RIP Stacy’s Thumper, I hope you’re resting easy up there in the blissful beyond. And if this blog post can prevent at least one untimely death of another precious pleasure device, then I’ll be one seriously satisfied sexpert.