Here are my top three favorite things ever:
Seriously. If you’re lucky enough to wield a vagina, I urge you to get up right this second – don’t even finish this sentence, just go to your local adult shop right now, pick out the prettiest penis in the place, and pounce the first consensual hole you can find. I!! Said!!! Now!!!!!!!!
Wearing a ween for the first time is such an incredible experience, there are very few words to describe it. I was so excited my first time, I totally forgot about my anxiously anticipating lover. Instead, I was just like, there is a thing hanging off of my body! And I can wiggle and flop it around! I can even hit things with it! Oh, let me hit this wall. And this doorway. And this couch. And your forehead. Oh hello, little meow meow, I guess you could even swat at it too.
But before you can cock slap all of the things, you’re gonna need a good, sturdy harness. No matter how pretty your peen – if your harness sucks more dicks than you do, then there will be NO FUN to be had.
There are plenty of harness styles to accommodate body sizes, gender preferences, and comfort. Here are a few of my favs.
Keep it simple, stupid.
All you really need to keep your junk in place is the following: 1) Interchangeable O-rings in a few different sizes so you can attach any size cock. Stretchy O-rings are, in my opinion, the easiest to deal with. 2) The material between the dildo’s base and your skin – though you probably want it to be pretty small so it doesn’t feel super invasive, you do want it to be wide enough to shield you from the largest possible dick-base. So, when you’re choosing a harness, keep your and your partner(s) preferred cock sizes in mind. 3) Completely adjustable waist and thigh straps. Personally, I just feel like this type of set-up offers the ultimate support. And some of us may share our harness with a variety of partners, so offering as much adjustment as possible is going to ensure that it will fit anyone. Harnesses like our Stay-Put Harness fit this bill to a T. No bells and whistles, no arduous loops, buckles, and straps – just everything you need for strap-on success.
Keep your panties on.
A lot of my friends dig boxer-brief or panty-style harnesses because they’re just sooo super comfortable. Some people argue that they’re the least invasive type of harness because we’re already accustomed to the fit. They’re usually made with cotton, spandex, or polyester and a super-stretchy elastic waistband. Our Universal Breathable Harness is popular as shit for these very reasons. The only downside, though, is that the O-ring is typically sewn in to the harness, limiting your pick o’ dick.
Share the love.
I am a huge fan of gender play, so a gorgeous babe with voluptuous curves complimented by a big, shiny purple dick is enough to instantly unleash my floodgates. We can’t be stingy with the pleasure, though. Vibrating harnesses ensure that everyone involved gets off. You should probably be very particular with these types of harnesses. Everybody’s bodies are different – some people’s clits are deeper than others, or the placement of the bullet might be just a little too high. Most stores aren’t into trying things on, but you could, at the very least, probably hold it up against your clothed groin and guesstimate whether a particular clit stimulator is properly placed for you. Many times it’s a simple square pocket on the underside of the harness that can be easily MacGyvered for custom placement.
Just the Tips
Keep this check list in mind when choosing your new ween:
- Choose a size based on your partner’s preference, not your own.
- For anal, choose a tapered, smooooooooth dildo. (And use a fuck ton of lube!)
- The base should be flared and sturdy. Suction cups usually work, but may be floppier. This is not necessarily a bad thing for those of us who are easily amused.
- If you will be using this dick with multiple partners, I suggest you stick with nonporous materials like silicone to ensure you’re not passing on anyone’s potentially gross shit.
- If you will be using this dick with multiple partners, but your budget only allows for rubber or PVC dicks – clean the dildo after and before each use, and use a condom. You should be tested regularly and expect the same of your partner(s).
- I’m totally obsessed with alternative materials like glass and ceramic, but I’ve never had success using these with partners. These materials are just so hard and blunt that they must be maneuvered ever so particularly – in ways that only you can control.
- Hard dildos could potentially hurt your partner if you’re pounding them and miss. (Ooowwwwwww!!!!!!!!)