Holy shit you guys, I just stumbled upon a gold mine! It’s heaven! Pure bliss! I’m serious! Are you ready for this? Because I’m about to change your life with three simple words…
Did you hear that? I don’t think you did. Let’s try this again.
HANDS. FREE. ORGASM.
BY. YOUR. SELF.
Just when you thought you needed online dating for free sushi and effortless orgasms, here comes electrosex with its ability to make you cum without even having to touch yourself… and no commitment required! I can finally delete my OkCupid account, THANK GODDESS!
Okay but seriously, if you think about it, it’s a super plausible case. An orgasm is simply a contraction of muscles. Our Shock Therapy products stimulate your muscles, causing involuntary contractions – so with just the right placement, you too may be able to reach total ecstasy without a vibe or rubbing one out.
E-stimulation is pretty big in the BDSM community, but it’s been blowing my mind to see how many uses this one device has. The very same item that will discipline your slave with a jolt, also made for an awesome Christmas gift for my mom! “We’ve all got ‘em,” said Sales Exec. and my office roomie Cheryl. All of my lovely colleagues here at Pipedream Headquarters boasted about how great it works for aches and pains when used on the lower settings since it mimics the stimulation of a massage. With my herniated disc and frequent roller derby batter, I finally joined the crowd and got a Shock Therapy unit for my desk too.
I have to admit though, I was pretty lost when first operating our Shock Therapy device, and it seems you all get a little confused too, what with all the Sexpert inquiries we get in regards to this item. Here I hope to clarify some things, offer safety tips, and leave you with just a few (of many!) options for pad placement.
1. Those things that look like iPod ear buds? Connect a pad to each one.
2. That wire that looks like a headphone jack — plug it into the control unit.
3. Remove the plastic film from the pads and stick them on the desired area. The area should be smooth and clean — make sure the skin isn’t oily, and if you’re hairy then you might need to shave the area because the pads won’t stick through the hair. Too much hair may also interfere with the conductivity. All 4 pads must be connected and placed on the body in order for the item to work.
If you’re using the Shock Therapy Electro-Sex Gel, apply it directly to the skin prior to placing the pads. We highly suggest using this gel since dry skin has a relatively high resistance and may cause sharper, more painful shocks. The gel also magnifies the intensity and provides maximum conductivity.
4. Press the “On/^” button. A bunch of stuff will blink on the screen. When the flash show is over you will see the speed level on the left, then the timer, an image of a body, a blinking fist, and then “power” or the level of intensity. Let me explain these functions real quick:
- Speed and Power are adjusted by clicking the “On/^” button. You can switch between the two by clicking the “S/P” button. When you first turn the unit on, it will be automatically set on the Power level, so if you press “On/^” it will adjust the Power level first, and you’ll have to click “S/P” to adjust the Speed.
- The timer is set for 15 minutes and will automatically turn off when the time passes. Contrary to what the box says, you actually can’t adjust the timer. Sorry about that…
- The little body image is separated by areas of the body. When you cycle through the body using the “Mode” button, you can choose the area of the body that your pads are located, and it will then use a variety of e-stim patterns designed specifically for that area of the body. The “hands” that appear above the body signify which mode is being used.
The modes are as follows:
- The first mode that appears when you turn the unit on looks like a fist. This is the tap mode, which promotes blood circulation with short, quick throbs.
- The second mode, the one that looks like a flat hand, is modulation. It releases fatigue and relaxes muscles with long, even throbs.
- The third mode, kneading, looks like a hand inside of a circle. It gradually releases neural or muscular pain by providing deep, pressure-point stimulation in 20-second increments with 10 seconds of rest in between.
These modes will be used in different patterns when choosing a mode for a specific area of the body. If you just want to consistently use one of the three modes, then click the “Mode” button until you’re back to the fist, hand, or hand/circle thing.
If you turn on the unit and can’t immediately increase the Speed or Power, then just cycle through all the modes and when you get back to the first mode (the little “tap” fist) you should be able to increase them.
THIS PART IS REALLY IMPORTANT SO I’M GOING TO TYPE IN BOLD CAPS TO BETTER EMPHASIZE HOW IMPERATIVE THIS INFORMATION IS. EXCLAMATION POINTS HELP!!!!!!!!!!
Never, ever, ever place your Shock Therapy pads near the heart. If a current goes through the heart it could cause ventricular fibrillation, cardiac arrest, or other serious heart complications. We do offer Shock Therapy Nipple Clamps, which are much preferred, as it will confine the electrodes to the small bit of flesh between the clamps.
Do you have a pacemaker or other heart conditions? Then you probably shouldn’t use any electrosex devices. Ever. Consult with your doctor if you simply can’t resist.
Never handle the pads while the Shock Therapy unit is on… or you will die. Okay, that’s a bit harsh — but really, if you’re handling the pads with your hands with the unit on, you could very easily inadvertently pass currents through the heart area. Remember how dangerous that is? You fuckin’ better!
You probably shouldn’t place the pads over piercings, either. It may confine the current to that super small space, making it way too intense and possibly causing damage to the tissue.
It’s best to play with e-stimulation while sitting or lying down. Say you use it on a leg while you’re standing — the involuntary muscle contractions could very well cause a fall.
Our Shock Therapy Pads aren’t made for internal use. We have a Shock Therapy Pleasure Probe made specifically for internal use, as well as a Cock Cage and Cock Strap.
Click “Read More” to find images of examples for placement of your Shock Therapy pads. There really are a plethora of options — just stay away from that heart!
Hit up Sexpert Sabrina Dropkick at Sabrina@PipedreamProducts.com for more information about Shock Therapy, or any other Pipedream product. You can always anonymously inquire with the Sexperts here.